Let's Be Friends
by lady-warrioress
Summary: Ridley dumbest idea yet.


_When it comes to Metroid characters my knowledge goes as far as the e-manga and Metroid Fusion and the first Prime game. Other knowledge I've obtained came from wikipedia. Even with the limited knowledge I have a pretty good grasp at how the important characters (Samus and Ridley) act. Too bad this is one of the times when being in character isn't necessarily a good thing. _

They say the worst kind of strategy comes along when you think too hard. In most cases that's true. Too bad Ridley had to find that out the hard way.

The Space Pirate Commander was ticked. Well to be honest he usually was. For the same reason and this time made no difference.

"Darned bounty hunter," he growled, pounding the arm rests of his chair. "Always has to come around and mess up my plans. I should have killed her the moment I laid eyes on her." and image of Samus Aran at the age of three came to mind.

How he remembered the day the human child had spoken to him, trying to be friends. He still wasn't sure why he'd hesitated in the first place. "What do I need friends for anyway?" he muttered to himself. "They never did anything for me. I remember growing up with someone I thought was my friend. Old Jimmy. Ah Jimmy loved to hang out with me. Always sitting down beside me in the cafeteria and swiping my lunch." a thought came to mind. "Then again.... Old Jimmy only hung out with me at lunch and the rest of the time he was stuffing my head in toilets." he crushed the remote he was holding. "Darn it! Stupid Jimmy!"

Just then a much smaller space pirate poked his head into the control room. "Commander Ridley," he said timidly.

"What do you want?" Ridley snapped.

"I noticed that the big screen tv was on the fritz again and was wondering if you had killed the remote," the pirate said.

"and what if I did?"

"Well," the pirate said, poking his index fingers together. "Me and the other men were playing Brawl against some of the Galactic Federation guys and we were winning and-"

Ridley threw the remote at the pirate's head. It bounced off his nose. "HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NOT TO FRATERNIZE WITH THE ENEMY!?"

"Sorry, sir," the pirate said, cowering. "Should I tell the men to turn off the Wii?"

Ridley waved him off. "Forget it," he said. "I don't have time to deal with you now."

The pirate ducked out of the room before Ridley could say anything else.

The dragon space pirate slumped in his chair. "I have to think of some way to deal with that no good bounty hunter," he muttered. "I have to do something that she won't expect. Something that will make her totally off guard."

For the longest time he sat there thinking. Finally, after what seemed like forever, he got an idea.

"AH HAH!"

* * *

Samus Aran the universes greatest bounty hunter as walking along the planet of Hairbringer. Well maybe not walking, more like stalking. Angrily at that. She was mad because somebody, she didn't know who, had sneaked into her ship with a digital camera and had taped her in her underwear, singing a Jessica Simpson song into a pink hairbrush, and posted it on Youtube.

"What I would like to know is how that stinkin' camera man got into my ship without me knowing it?" she grumbled. "Adam was supposed to keep everyone out.. unless he had something to do with it. Grr. Stupid computer. After all we've been through togethe-"

"Well well if it isn't Nintendo's greatest fanservice," a voice cut her off.

Samus reacted instantly, aiming her arm cannon at the speaker. Ridley, who was perched on a rock ledge a good distance away put up his hands -er claws. "Whoa! Hey there! Let's not get too hasty."

"What do you want Ridely?" Samus demanded. "You'd better have a good reason for showing you ugly face around me. I'm not in the mood today."

"Hey, I'm not here to steal your baby," Ridley said. "Last time I did, that brat got out and wrecked havoc on my ship."

"Then why are you bothering me?" she demanded. "I don't have time for you. I have another more important issue to deal with."

"Ah yes, that Youtube video," Ridley snorted. "I didn't know you wore pink undies."

"Don't push it," she growled, charging up the cannon. "I have half a mind to blow you away just for something to do."

"I'm not here to fight," he told her.

She blinked, surprised. "You're not?" she asked.

"Nope," he said. "I'm here to make friends."

She stared at him like he lost his mind. He wanted to _what_?! "And I'm the Queen of England," she snapped.

"Well, you majesty, I'm not lying," he said, lounging on the ledge. "I've been giving it a lot of thought and figured, since you were the one who wanted to be friends in the first place, I'd take you up on your offer."

She didn't know what he was talking about. "When?"

He rolled his eyes. "So you don't remember?" he asked. "I sure do. A little blond three years old with blue eyes and carrying a bunny thing. Such a cute little girl. "Let's be friends." she says in her little girl voice." he sniffed and wiped away a fake tear. "Such a sweet, innocent little piece of meat."

"Yeah well that sweet piece of meat isn't so sweet anymore," Samus cut him off. "and she isn't so forgiving either, nor does she want to be friends with a spindly purple Spyro wannabe either."

"Ah that's where you have it wrong," he said, putting up a claw. "I came _before_ Spyro."

"I don't care," she interrupted, pointing at him. "I'm still not going to become friends with the guy that roasted my parents like marshmallows and is responsible for my life being a load of crap! Thanks to you I never even had a boyfriend."

"Oh boo who," Ridley said. "If you're so desperate for a boyfriend I got Master Chief's email. He's been waiting for you to contact him for ages."

"I'm not going to date a Halo character!"

"Well if you don't wanna date him you can always date me," he said, grinning. "I mean people think we should hook up, even the author."

"I'm lonely but not _desperate_," she informed him, grossed out at the very idea. "Now unless you have something _else_ to say besides. "I wanna be friends" and "Let's get it on". I suggest you get out of my sight before I am forced to waste all my amo on your sorry behind."  
"Ah don't be like that-"

"I mean it, hell breath," she cut him off, already getting ready to fire. "I got no more time for your stupidity. Now if you wanna keep your body in its current form I suggest you move your fat behind before I blow it off."

Ridley shrugged. "Well I tried," he said taking wing. He hovered for a moment. "No wonder you don't have friends. You shoot them when they approach you."

"I'm gonna shoot you too if you say another word," she snapped, aiming her gun at him.

He dived at her. She ducked out of the way. One of his claws scraped her armor. She turned around and shot at him. He dodged and dived at her again. "I can't just go," he said, making another dive. "Without me around your life would be totally boring." Samus ducked again, not even noticing that he'd changed the subject. "I am the reason you exist in the first place."

'"Well duh I just said that," she retorted.

"That's right," he said, grinning. "Without me you'd be nothing but a pathetic wimp of a human. I think you're actually grateful for what I did."

"I'll be grateful when you stop playing bird of prey," she retorted.

He grinned. "Ah, you _know_ you love me."

Samus righted herself and changed her ammo to missiles. "I got your love right here," she snapped, shooting off one of them.

Ridley hadn't expected that. He saw the projectile coming straight for him. "Ah crap."

BOOM!

* * *

All the other space pirates were waiting when Ridley returned to the mother ship. They all laughed when he returned with his wings tailing behind him like a cape and his body covered in black burns. He looked like he'd been thrown into a trash compactor. "I guess the great bounty hunter decided she wasn't interested was she?" one asked, snickering loudly. "You should have figured it out yourself, dude."

Ridley was in a bad mood. He grabbed the pirate by the throat and shoved him against the wall. "One more word and I'll use your head for a football," he growled. "and don't call me dude."

"Eh sorry," the thing said, grinning stupidly. "My bad."

Ridley let his neck go. The pirate fell to the floor, holding onto his throat. "I'll be in my room," he told the others. "If you have a problem don't come and tell me."

One pirate stared after him as he walked by. He noticed something and had to ask. "Hey, where's your tail?"

* * *

Back on Hairbringer Samus, in a much better mood, walked along, spinning Ridley's tail around and whistling a tune to herself. Maybe today would be so bad after all. "I wonder if he's in any mood to try that again tomorrow?"

_A/N_

_Bleh. Just something random. It's not supposed to make sense. I was bored and didn't have anything else to do. _


End file.
